niteo_nix | [Video] VI [Failed!Lock to Cross & Lavi]

[She's in the Church, only familiar thing really to her, and it's so very accidental, but she's just... staring listlessly at the alter, fingers fiddling with her device. Looking but not really seeing. It's meant to be private, but she's just not concentrating at all. Usually, she'd rather die then let people see weakness like this, but it's such an old fear and frustration that she hardly even stops to wipe away tears, let alone think. Not that she cried for much more then frustration most times, and certainly not since she lost the war with Mary of Guise.

This was frustration, and a great deal of fear too.

At the very least she's manages enough to make sure Lin can't see this, she refuses to give the woman that satisfaction most of all, and she wished she could slap her again. Nor does she even know how to ask this question, so she's just blunt about it.]

Tell me, when I return, if I ever leave this cursed, wretched place, am I to be executed? Is that why everyone remembers me so much?

[it clicks off]

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[Her expression of horror at the suggestion should of been enough of an answer.]

No. I could think of nothing worse. Ruling for the rest of existence alone? No. God strike me down first before I ever displayed such arrogance. You have no idea what this does to a person, even now I cannot even leave it. I'm not a who, I'm a what. Only a fool would ever wish for such a thing for eternity.

[And she knew many fools who would.]

[Her explanation stuns him for a bit, his bright blue eyes go wide - he needs silence to allow that outburst to sink in.]

..O-Oh..

[His feelings divide him. Secretly, he is overjoyed to hear that answer from her. But part of him also feels as though he should be offended. Fools, huh? Was that true?

His response is a little sheepish.]

Nothing worse? ...Would it really be that bad to guide people forever?

[She sighs, running her fingers through her hair. She knew what other people saw in this position. But she never had. All she ever saw was death.] ... Have you ever heard the expression that power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely? Spend time in the company of Kings and Princes for long enough, and you will see exactly what you will become with such a power over life and death. They don't tell you that when they give you these things.

Or perhaps to be clear, at my will in England, there does not even have to be a trial, if I found perhaps a religious cause for it, but I could have you burnt alive, or perhaps disembowelled and dismembered. Choked, tortured. Sliced neck to navel before a crowd and unravelled like a spool of thread. But doing so would make me hated if I did it too often, the people are understanding but they do have a limit for blood. How long before I stopped thinking as one of them however, that I stopped loving them and showing them mercy, how long before the loneliness consumed me and I became free with destruction?

No. No, human being with even a sliver of corruption in them should do such a thing, because it will not be a sliver by the end. I've ruled for... six years now, come November... and already I don't fear to strike down my enemies, I just do. I set up traps to catch them, even if I try to be merciful in my own way. If I have this blackness in me already, by God what would I be like after a hundred years of ruling? And believe me, my lord, should you be human, that corruption is already in you. There can be no pretence about that.

[Visibly uncomfortable, her descriptions have made him feel ill. He's going to need some time to soak that all in. That's a lot to think about. He says simply:]

...I didn't know.

[He's quiet, wringing his hands together. He knew she would understand, but this worries him. All their good intentions... they really only want to do what is best...]

I...

[He hangs his head. While he decides how to feel about the situation, he may as well tell her why he's asked.]

This has nothing to do with you, I promise. But..

There's an immortal leader, in our world.

[He sighs deeply.]

I didn't know what to think about it until now.

[They made her ill, but where once it repulsed her, she knows it's a necessary part of ruling. She needed to be feared and loved in equal measure. Worshipped almost, for the sake of both.]

I wouldn't fault you for it. No one does, and I am glad for it.

[She listens quietly.]

And what do you think of it now?

[How does he feel? He's really not sure, yet. He looks up slowly, lost in thought.]

It's terrifying. Everything you said is probably true. The power over life... it's too heavy for one person to carry. There's too much that can go wrong.

[Even he's realized that. And yet, though he knows how prophetic this all is, he still stubbornly wants to deny her answer.]

But.. I want to believe that won't happen. They're a very kind, considerate individual. Someone who would put themselves behind everyone else.

It isn't about power. It's about the good of mankind! Couldn't a person like that do the world some good?!

[He is slowly getting more passionate about the conversation.]

[She could remember thinking like that, looking up at her father with stars in her eyes, and think there could never be a finer Prince, nor King in the whole of Christendom.

She didn't have those stars any more. His impassioned words just made her feel old, like all the life sucked out of her bones. Elizabeth hadn't felt that strongly for anything in years.

Her voice was cold, flat, and with very little mercy.]

A person like that gets a lot of people killed. Innocent people who never would of died save for the stupidity of their leaders.

Idealists have no place ruling, and they never did, listen to me well, Kiriko George, what good there is to be had, is not something that is easily made just by good intentions. It requires me killing men with loving families, so my people have peace. It requires my father murdering my mother so he can have the son which will give stability. If you cannot accept this, even with great regret, you should never rule, you'll just go... mad otherwise. It requires accepting that if you are not wanted by your people, you must kneel for the axe. It is not dreams, it is duty. Do not mistake the two, ever.

[His mouth feels dry. He could never do such things! Was it true he should... never rule..?]

...I will... I will try to remember.

[He gives a polite smile in spite of his nervousness. This all sounds like an exhausting task. Something that would change him entirely. He does not envy her.

...But what is he to do..?

Regardless, Kiriko bows respectfully, the Japanese-style bow he grew up learning. The gentlemanly way he bows, it could be hard to believe he is a soldier meant for killing, still in his filthy, ripped American uniform..]

Thank you for your help, my lady...

[She didn't say much else, there was nothing else to say really. Just pushed herself up, back straight.

Only when he bows to her, she nods her head to him, the same way she did to her advisors. Regal, stiff. Like a Queen.

But that was what she was. She didn't have humanity, for the good of her people, she couldn't be weak and simple, people were to have hope in her, and she must never dream of anything else again.]

It's not help, because you don't much like my answers, my lord, so don't thank me. Believe me, when my closest advisor told me what I must become, I felt sick to my stomach. Granted, I still had a woman murdered in her bed. [She smiles, just slightly, but there is no mirth in it.]

[Video] VI [Failed!Lock to Cross & Lavi]

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