niteo_nix | 10th Death

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10th Death

[the feed is once again showing a memory...]

[it shows a long hallway with walls and floors made of stone. it's rather dreary looking with a strange green glow lighting up only enough to see a few feet ahead. silence rules over this place but eventually it's broken by the sound of footsteps and Dextera soon comes into view. his clothing is tattered and is stained with blood. he's breathing heavily and has one hand on the wall to keep his balance while the other is pressed against his side where he seems to have been injured. someone or something had attacked him and it seemed that he was trying to get away.

the mute moves slowly down the hall and makes turns when the pathway splits off. it quickly becomes clear, however, the randomness of the turns and the more dead ends that Dextera stumbles across makes it clear that he has no idea where he's going but he still presses on, especially when the sound of metal being dragged across stone echoes not to far behind him. in fact, it cause him to run.

eventually Dextera finds a large room dotted with a few glowing tiles. he makes his way around them carefully since he knew what would happen if he touched one. blades would pop out of the walls and he didn't want that to happen again.

he finds one of the exits and wanders down the hallway that looks no different from any of the others that he's gone into before. it was like Dextera had been trapped in a maze with no way out with something hostile hunting him down.

Dextera presses on until he once again ends up at another dead end. he sighs, apparently tired of running into dead ends, and is about to turn around when there is that metal on stone sound and he turns around just in time for a monster's claw to rip right through his chest, killing Dextera on the spot.]

[the feed immeadilty cuts out after that, but slowly comes back on for one last memory.]

[you wouldn't be wrong if you said what you were looking at was still Nesreca. destroyed buildings littered the background of a baren wasteland and sand drifted along the ground. it was quite and very much dead, save for a howling noise in the distance. the only two notable things were the fact that the sky was blood red and that Dextera was lying on the ground. his eyes are open and he seems unharmed. he always came out of his deaths unharmed, no matter what was done to him.

footsteps echo in the distance and soon a man with white wings comes into view and stares down at the teen. when he speaks he sounds disinterested, as if he's already done this a number of times and was bored of it.]

"Death will not save you. How many times has it been now? There is meaning in death but it probably doesn't mean anything to you now. Still, you could call it a learning experience even if it's not a very pleasent one."

[Dextera doesn't respond to that - he can't after all - and instead gets to his feet. the other man seems happy with this, even if his expression doesn't change much.]

"Good. Now go and do your duty. Purify the Absolute God. It's the only way to heal your sin of destroying this world."

[the mute nods again and the man raises one hand but the feed starts to flicker like static on a T.V set until it becomes impossible to see what happens next.]

[the static eventually dies down enough to reveal that Dextera had been watching the memory play. without expressing anything on his face or typing anything - no questions this time, he knew the answer - Dextera picks up the PDA and gently turns it over so the video feed is blacked out by the floor. he knew what was coming next but for once the mute did not want a question answered.]

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[Destroying the world? That's a pretty intense-sounding sin, but Alma doesn't really feel right asking questions about the memories showing up on the network. They're such private things.]

... Dextera, are you okay?

[Alma only gets a text for this since Dextera isn't sure he can look people in the eye right now. ~~that, and it made lying much easier.~~]

I'm okay.

[He nods when the text comes in, offering the camera a smile.]

Wanna come draw with me later?

[he smiles just a little bit, even if Alma can't see it. that was a nice offer. he wasn't expecting it at all.]

A little later, okay?

[Drawing always makes things better.]

'Kay.

[Lavi won't say much, it seemed as if Libitina was making a habit of showing memories this time. And often many didn't want such things shown. Instead Dextera will find a stuffed animal (of his choice) outside his door and a quiet knock announcing its presence.

It's better than nothing.]

[he wonders for a minute why someone was knocking at the door but figured it was someone wanting to know about those memories. opening it and discovering the stuffed rabbit, however, was a surprise and brings a little smile to his face in spite of himself and he takes it inside.

thank you, whoever brought this :) ]

I'm not going to ask anything that makes you uncomfortable, but--

But if you ever need to talk, I'm willing to listen.

[there's a bit of a delay before Dextera answers.]

I think I'll be okay right now.

[but...maybe later. maybe.]

Edited 2012-10-23 02:26 (UTC)

[ She is willing to wait as long as it takes. ]

Okay.

Do you want to talk about something else? Something to take your mind off of it?

[she might have to remind him in case he "forgets" to talk about it.]

I don't know I can right now. [faced with one of his deaths and his sin wasn't something Dextera could take off his mind easily.]

[ And she is willing to do that. ]

Tell me things about yourself that you won't mind letting me know, then? [ Lenalee will try to ease his mind, a little, and if only for a short time. ]

I don't know anything about myself.

[the only thing he knew what his name and even then Dextera felt like it wasn't his.]

Nothing at all? Not even your own personality? [ Lost memories is something she can understand, though. She has none of most of her childhood except a few scenes. ]

No. I just woke up one day. Someone told me my name and that's all I know. [everything else was wrapped up in a fog of guilt that he didn't understand.]

Nothing ever returned?

It must be hard. I wish it weren't like that.[ Then, is guilt the only he remembers? ]

[he remembers his deaths, over and over. they were one of the few consistent things in his life.]

No. Not yet. Sometime. I try thinking about it but nothing comes.

[ Death and guilt, then? ]

It might have to take time.

Did...did good things happen here, at least?

[guilt, death and rebirth. the subjects that Dextera knew better than anyone.]

Maybe. The memories here are good. The people here are nice. [and they make sense. he can understand what they're saying and what they mean for the most part.]

Do you like this place better then? [ If things make sense, then it should be good. ]

[it is good but...]

I like this place but I have to go back home.

Can I ask why?

[...she saw the memory anyways.]

I'm supposed to fix my world. Can't here.

[ She did, but even so... ]

I want to be back as well. But I can't.

You don't want to go back home?

[he's curious.]

Well, this place seems to want to keep me here.

I do want to go back, but I have friends here, too.

...and back at home, a lot of them are missing, but they're here. Maybe I'm too selfish to let them go.

I don't think it's selfish. People like seeing other people, I think.

I can't seem to let any of them go.

It doesn't sound like a bad thing. Hold things close until the end. That's what I think.

[since you can die only once it probably will mean more to you.]

I guess that's one way to think of it.

I'm sending a text, because you probably want time to think. But I do want you to know something important.

You are NOT alone. Not at all. You have friends here, and people who care about you, and when you're ready, we'll "listen" and be there for you. You just have to text me, especially, and I'll come and sit with you and do what I can, even if it's just sit there in silence and camaraderie.

....seriously Dextera, I...understand. Better than I'd like to, and I will listen, and sit with you, and so on.

---Raven

[No telling how long she spent figuring out what to say, and how much she wanted to say.]

[All of that was more than Lin could handle or understand. It all seemed to fly by in an incoherent mess to her. All she could gather is that it was such a horrible thing for a person to endure... And Dextera was one of the few people she liked here.

Bad shit happened, and it wasn't anyone's fault, no matter how it was spun. She's sure it must be that way with Dextera, as well. She offers to help the only way she knows how: a meal.]

I still have a bottle of wine left. Do you want to have a drink with me?

[you'd have to tell him that over and over until he finally believed it wasn't his fault. a lack of memory and guilt tripping can fully convince someone if the deaths didn't.

but he will take you up on that offer.]

I think I'd like that.

[Oh! Oh wow. She wasn't expecting that.]

Really? Come to my room in fifteen minutes, okay? It's 306.

Okay. I'll be there soon.

[well it's a litle bit longer but once Dextera shows up, he knocks on the door. hello?]

[She swings open the door like she's been waiting by it for him. She says teasingly:]

Hey! You're late! Haven't you ever heard of "don't keep a lady waiting?"

[At that she turns around, leaving the door open, an obvious invitation for him to enter. On the sad little table in her room is a sad little tablecloth with a bottle of wine, a loaf of bread she just heated up, a small serving of butter to share, and some slices of cheese. There is also a small handful of hard candies she hoarded from the train in a little basket.

Lin may have also quickly cleaned up her good coat. If she's going to drink wine with someone, she might as well feel pretty while doing it.]

Sit down, sit down.

[he pauses before walking inside because no one really told him not to keep a lady waiting and the saying confuses him for a second. but Dextera does as he's told and sits down, looking at the stuff that Lin had been kind enough to bring out. it wasn't sad or little to the mute. it was much more than what he got back home.

Dextera takes out the device and puts it down on the table in an out of the way spot before typing something.]

Thank you.

[She worried, and even though she's not inclined to talk about herself. She goes to his door anyway, knocking on it lightly. He might ignore her, he might be annoyed at her fussing. But she has to check. She's much too fond of all of them.]

[one thing people learned about Dextera fairly quickly is that he wasn't capable of being annoyed by much. he didn't know why but he simply could not work himself up to be bothered by small things. ignoring things (besides his personal safety) was also out unless he wanted to get yelled at by a number of people back home.

however Dextera was still capable of being surprised by things, which is why he looks surprised when he answers the door. hello...?]

[She looked him up and down with a critical eye. Trying to see if she could find even a hint of the death's he'd died. Like he'd start bleeding on her. It had hurt in the oddest way, watching that.

Then she sighed. Of course not. Of course it wouldn't show. He was living and breathing. Carefully, she put a hand to his hair and ran it down before bracing it on his shoulder.]

You're a little fool, do you know that? You're going to make my heart stop from worry one day. You'll do something, and it'll just freeze up.

Edited 2012-10-26 12:28 (UTC)

[there's a not-so-subtle twitch when she touches him and given the memory she just finished watching, it wasn't much of a surprise why. he didn't hate being touched but it brought too many memories of his deaths to mind.

it takes Dextera a second to realize what Elizabeth was talking about. had she seen that memory? that he died and the one about his sin? he found he couldn't look her in the eye with that idea in mind and instead stared at the floor.

"I'm sorry." would have been the only response he could offer if he had a voice but he didn't. what else could he do?]

[She understands it all now. Or at least most of it. His questions and confusion and that stubborn way of trial and error he went through. Why he put himself through such pain. It wasn't as awful as dying over and over again.]

Silly one... What have they done to you?

[Elizabeth stared at him longer, then sighed.] Do you know what a hug is Dextera?

[it makes a little sense, doesn't it? why Dextera had never asked about death when the subject came up. why he said he liked peaceful deaths better. he knew death and rebirth better than most people. it was the one thing that the mute would never have to ask about, save for what happens once you die for good. he had never gotten far enough to find out.

Dextera shakes his head. no he hasn't heard of a 'hug' before. it sounded a little strange but not dangrous. that was good...]

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10th Death

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