[accidental video]

[pencilpremonition]

[Becca flails in her sleep, and in doing so, knocks into her communicator and turns it on. She tosses and turns, whining and crying out in pure fear. Finally she wakes herself up, sitting up and screaming in terror. It takes a few moments for her to calm down enough to realise where she is, and she huffs in frustration. She draws her knees to her chest and starts to cry.]

Damn it, Stacy...leave me alone. It's been almost ten years, I don't know what you want from me. I'm sorry you died...Stacy I'm so sorry, I tried so hard...but you've gotta let me sleep in peace. I can't change the past, any more than I can change the future. I would've traded places with you if I could've, I swear. Stop haunting me.

Or at least have the decency to admit you're gloating. I've lost everything important to me, what more do you want? Or are you going to hassle me until you drag me down to Hell yourself? Damn it, Stacy...you were my best friend, I never wanted what happened to you. I wish I'd died that night instead of you but I can't... I can't...

I'm losing my mind... I'm losing my mind and you're watching and you're laughing, aren't you? And after all this time, you're still my best friend...you're the only one I've got here. It's not like anyone else here cares. Why would they? I'm fucking worthless without my powers...

[She gets up and goes over to the window, staring down at the flood waters below.]

Maybe I should just jump, huh? Wait till the water goes down...maybe I will. Or maybe I'll just go back to sleep and not run this time. What will you do to me if you catch a hold of me in my dreams? Will I die? It's nothing less than what I deserve, after what I did to you.

[retreating back to her bed]

Yeah...I think I'll try that... I give up, Stacy. You win. I won't run any more.

Comments

[pencilpremonition]

Then why are you all yelling at me? Why is EVERYONE THAT'S ANSWERED all lining up to tell me what a whiny, worthless little bitch I am?

[bluedemonflames]

You're the one that used those words! Not me! What do ya expect us to do?! We're in the same spot here and jumpin' out a window isn't gonna fix it! Ya need to hear it! Don't be stupid!

[pencilpremonition]

I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting this. I'm tired of being worthless. I'm tired of getting screamed at, and I can only scream back for so long because you guys are RIGHT. I'm nothing. I'm just a worthless whiner and without my little brother to take care of, I don't even have a purpose in life. He's the only thing that ever mattered to me and he's NOT HERE. I have nothing. I am nothing. I can't even make friends.

[bluedemonflames]

I never said you were worthless! Listen to me! Shut up and listen to at least one damn thing I'm sayin'! You gotta live for yourself! You can't just try to please everyone else all the time and beat yourself up cause you don't think you're good enough! That ain't gonna get you anywhere! You can miss your brother, but you have to learn to live without doing everything for him! There's a lot of stuff you can do around here. Find somethin' and stick to it! Go out there and try!

[pencilpremonition]

[Well, she goes and picks up the communicator, at least.]

I'm scared. I'm scared and I'm weak and I don't think I can do this any more. The loneliness is getting to me, I barely talk to people here and when I do they bitch at me for being whiny.

I've never been so alone before. I always thought I hated people, that I never needed them...but I never realised how much I need someone...someone to care for, someone to keep me sane...

[bluedemonflames]

[Rin is starting to calm down so no more fire. He's got it under control again.]

Shutting down only makes you more alone. You can't give up.

Then take care of yourself. There isn't always gonna be someone else around so ya have to. If you help out around here you'll kinda be taking care of everyone else too.

[pencilpremonition]

I don't know enough to be able to help out. I can cook, but only if I have supplies to start with. But everybody else around here can hunt or go steal or something... I've seen it said on the network already, if you can't take care of yourself you're useless. I can work with people, but if I was alone, I'd be dead. And what's it even matter if I can cook, anyway? Everybody can do that. Or should I just make a post and tell everybody how useless I am and hope somebody pities me enough to teach me something useful? I can't even speak Russian. I suck at languages and I'm not getting any better.

[bluedemonflames]

Just cause anyone can cook doesn't mean they will or that they're good at it. Everyone pitches in around here. I dunno why you don't see it. No one is goin' it alone. If you wanna learn something else then learn it. Lavi teaches Russian so go get lessons. Study hard like Yukio if you wanna learn.

[pencilpremonition]

I've learned three things in my life: cooking, drawing, and reading. Everything else... I gave up on school, it's pointless. I don't get it. I think I'm dumb.

[bluedemonflames]

That's your problem. Stop giving up! You're not even givin' yourself a chance when you say crap like that! You can learn more than three things!

[pencilpremonition]

...I can try, I guess. But I think in sixteen years I would've picked something else up by now.

[bluedemonflames]

There you go shootin' yourself down before you even start. It takes hard work to get anywhere. It won't happen right away. Keep working and you'll get somewhere.

[pencilpremonition]

Yeah? Then you teach me something. I give it a week before you realise how pointless it is. Two if you're stubborn. It's not like I wouldn't work at it, it's just...

Everything I get involved in fucks up.

[bluedemonflames]

Uhh...Like what? You said you got cooking covered.

[Rin will accept this challenge to prove a point, but he's not got many skills to speak of.]

[pencilpremonition]

...Teach me to fight.

[Becca picks this as a self-defeating prophecy, she knows she has fainting spells if she gets her heart rate up.]

[bluedemonflames]

You ever done anything like that before? I'm not exactly a master at it.

[Big understatement. He's not got much training at all.]

How about I teach ya to make Japnese food instead?

[pencilpremonition]

You've got a sword.

I'm already good at cooking though, one kind or another, it'll probably be easy.

[bluedemonflames]

So? Doesn't make me a good teacher with it. [And he doesn't intend to let anyone touch it. Last thing he needs is to be forced to out himself for what he is.]

Western food's really different. I know how to make both so trust me when I say it.

[pencilpremonition]

...Fine, fine. I still don't think it counts, though. It's still cooking.

[bluedemonflames]

Why would you wanna know how to use a sword anyways? There's nothin' to fight here.

[pencilpremonition]

So I can kill somebody if I ever get sent home.

[bluedemonflames]

Forget it if that's what you wanna do. Ya can't just kill people!

[pencilpremonition]

You saw me with my shirt off once.

[bluedemonflames]

...N-not on purpose!

[pencilpremonition]

Do you remember those burns?