niteo_nix | [Video] VI [Failed!Lock to Cross & Lavi]

Entry tags:

[Video] VI [Failed!Lock to Cross & Lavi]

[She's in the Church, only familiar thing really to her, and it's so very accidental, but she's just... staring listlessly at the alter, fingers fiddling with her device. Looking but not really seeing. It's meant to be private, but she's just not concentrating at all. Usually, she'd rather die then let people see weakness like this, but it's such an old fear and frustration that she hardly even stops to wipe away tears, let alone think. Not that she cried for much more then frustration most times, and certainly not since she lost the war with Mary of Guise.

This was frustration, and a great deal of fear too.

At the very least she's manages enough to make sure Lin can't see this, she refuses to give the woman that satisfaction most of all, and she wished she could slap her again. Nor does she even know how to ask this question, so she's just blunt about it.]

Tell me, when I return, if I ever leave this cursed, wretched place, am I to be executed? Is that why everyone remembers me so much?

[it clicks off]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[She clicks off the video, and goes back to brooding like only members of her family can brood.

Though when she hears Lenalee, hidden as she is against the alter, she calls out to her.] Here, my lady.

[ She makes her way quickly to the alter, and sits down next to here.

It really is quiet here, rather peaceful. Moment when God isn't vengeful? Lenalee supposes He can have moments like that. She shifts her attention back to Elizabeth. ] Do you want to talk?

[Elizabeth found God peaceful, it was his servants she found to be cruel. But then it was seldom God spoke to her, so she had to make her way with what she thought was best.

She shrugged] I am not sure what there is to speak of.

About... [ If only his servants hadn't lied to Lenalee. She believes their words, that God wanted soldiers for His War and He chose those who were worthy, but did not ask to be chosen. ] What is bothering you?

...I don't think you'll be executed at all. [ A pause; she finally takes one of Elizabeth's hands in her. ]

[They lied to everyone, it seemed. But then Elizabeth was used to being lied to by almost everyone, miserable as that sounded.]

I hope not. I do not want to be. I wanted to be a good Queen. But if I can't, and someone else is to take my place, then I'll submit to death gladly. [like her mother had, she hoped she could be as bold and graceful.]

[ Some people lied to protect...but even so, Lenalee would rather have the truth. It may be something difficult to swallow, but it was better than false comfort. ]

I think you're a good ruler. [ However, it must be hard to be a queen without a country here. ]

I'm glad you think so, but you have not known me long. I'm a vain and selfish woman... [And Lavi was still annoyed with her too, and she had no idea how to fix it.] It's been six years since I became Queen, and it already feels too long. I dread to think what I might be.

I consider myself selfish sometimes. [ Is he truly annoyed? ]

I know history, though. [ However, she doesn't know how much she can say. ] They say you're one of the greatest monarchs.

I think that's just part of the human condition. [She smiles tiredly, giving Lena's hand a light squeeze.]

Please don't tell me too much, this already is more then enough. [She bites her lip.] Well, whatever I did to earn that reputation I hope it wasn't too awful. England as it stands right now is weak, so weak I have to pretend otherwise, lest I am attacked.

Maybe. [ She squeezes back. ] But everyone's human.

You didn't do anything awful. [ Lenalee chooses her words carefully. ] Whatever you did, England today's a strong country.

I'm not supposed to be. [She shakes her head, trying to clear her mind of it.]

So everyone tells me. I want it to be. I want so badly not to fail my country. So many have died so I may be where I am, and no doubt many more will. I can't not... [She swallowed back on her words.]

Because of your responsibilities? [ That's a little demanding, isn't it? ]

You don't fail. [ Putting a hand on her shoulder. ] You don't.

Yes. I know what I have to do. Wolsingham... ah, my advisor in all matters. He made me realise... [she looked up at the painting of Mary on the wall. Serene, smiling in her purity.] I asked him how the Blessed Virgin could control men's hearts. Even if she was not completely there, and he told me that all men must touch the divine on earth, even just once. It's what I have to do. I have to be divine, to reign supreme I must... be touched by nothing, ever again. Even unto death. I must give hope to my people, my body, my heart, and keep nothing for myself. Nothing less then that will do. That's what I am scared of, what if that isn't enough? And I am executed anyway?

[She was glad for the words, so glad to hear it. She turned into Lenalee a little, small as the girl was, Elizabeth pressed her face briefly against her hair, taking a shaky breath in. It was moments like this that she missed Kat, and the affection she so willingly gave. Lenalee was so much like her. And for a moment, she wished Cross was here to talk to, to hold onto her for little while.] Thank-you. You cannot know what that means to hear. Men never understand it, what it means to be a woman with so much power.

We can't like be like God or Mary. [ Softly. ] You're human like me and others. Just a greater human with greater responsibilities and burdens. And it is enough.

I think..you'd be a martyr if they executed you. [ It's funny. Elizabeth reminds her of...of Allen in some ways. The power. The duties. And if he missteps, all the people that would see.

Only Allen never says anything, but tries to bear it alone. Elizabeth speaks of it, the way Lenalee sometimes voices her fears. And that was the difference. But whatever the case, Lenalee is willing to say what she can to help.

Such as hugs. She might be smaller, but her arms can still go around people. ] Mm... [ Quiet before speaking again. ] Women with power walk alone sometimes.

Being just human isn't good enough Lenalee. I wish it were, and for men it is. But to secure my throne... nothing less then divinity will do, not if I am to be the Queen my people deserve. Though I hardly think I am like Mary. I could not meet life's cruelties with so graceful a smile as she always wears.

[She laughed, for that and for the thought of being a martyr.] I am not very good at that, I am not the most pious of women. But I'll die for my people, I'd rather be a martyr for my people, it's the only thing worth dying for.

[She's glad for it, and she shifts a little so she could hug Lenalee back, her arms going around her, little as she was, it made her the right height to lean her head against the younger girls hair.] We have too. Any expectations of men are so tripled onto us, just to prove ourselves.

We can't change that we're human though. [ Whatever powers or abilities...they were still human. ]

If beauty's in the eye of the beholder, so is piety. You have purpose. That's enough.

[ Lenalee really does thing you were one of the greatest queens ever. ] Sometimes it's more of proving to yourself. [ The push to be better, to go higher. ]

No, we can't. But sometimes, you can transcend if you try hard enough. But it requires everything. Not just a pope ruling you and saying you are ordained by God... [she shrugs.]

I do. It's a very gritty one. I used to hope for things that other women do, now I know it'll never be. But I don't think I have the stomach to miss them.

[Oh Lenalee, it's for people like her that Elizabeth was willing to give it all up. Nobility were funny people, and royalty even stranger, and the causes for self sacrifice, even if it wasn't immediate execution, but slowly dying over long years of a life... well, she'd spent more time pondering her own death then most people ever had.] It is. We are our own best judges after all...

The pope's too often holier-than-thou. [ Dismissive speech; religious is a subject she treads carefully on. ]

Things such as--?

[ Her fingers brush past Elizabeth's hair. ] Maybe sometimes too critical...

He is. Was even before he started ordering people to kill me, and declaring that I was a illegitimate whore, and that my subjects didn't have any business being loyal to me. [there's a frustrated growl to her words.]

... Having a husband of my own, ever having children. [because she does just want those things, simple really, in her fairy tales.] Sometimes I dream but... that's all they can ever be, a dream. [she thinks on Cross a little, but she pushes that aside quickly.]

Oh, very often. [there's a shaky laugh] But bad things, and men die for needless things, when I am not careful.

He has less power during my time. [ Thankfully. ]

Is it your choice, or a must? [ Personally she hasn't given much thought to husbands or children. ]

Same. [ People got hurt, and she hated seeing them hurt. ]

I'm glad. It goads him he has no power in England any more. I like to think I am reasonable, I have issues only with those that try to kill me. It just happens a lot of them a catholic. [she laughs dryly. Perhaps a trait of royalty. Her sense of humour was at the best of times, twisted.]

Both, and more then that besides. I won't marry a man who doesn't love me. Both as a woman, and as a Queen. I can't find a man who loves me, they just want to control me. Because women aren't supposed to be equals, we're supposed to submit... [her fingers curl up in agitation.] ... and would you want to be married when your mother was executed for failing as a wife? Your elder and most beloved cousin too? Perhaps I could be divorced and humiliated like my lady of Cleves? Or die in child bed. [shudder] Or worst then all that, go mad like my sister did, as well as losing the love of the people for marrying the wrong man who encouraged her to slaughter hundreds... No. It scares me, to risk so much in the hope of an heir... my loyalty is to my people, as it ever has been. That is the only thing I can afford to love any more. [Elizabeth had, and she wanted it still, because she was a daughter of her time, and marriage was so important for women.]

[She gave a fond kiss to Lenalee's head, just lightly.] It's a awful thing, to never let yourself be free with your affections and actions. I hope you find some respite. You are so young...

He enjoys his power too much sometimes. I guess too much pride. [ And pride goes before a fall.

Things on marriage, she has little knowledge of. Beyond her brother's worst fears.

Moreover, it tied a person down to certain obligations that she didn't know if she could fulfill or not. ] It's not a bad thing to love, your people. [ Love has far too many forms, but surely the love Lenalee has for home is like the love Elizabeth has for her people. Maybe even more because she is loving people she does not personally know. That takes a lot, doesn't it? ]

Ah... [ Soft laughter. ] There isn't really anyone. [ A few childish crushes here and there that passed by quickly, but no one she had her heart set on. ] Or if there is, I haven't realised it yet

It's a common enough. The Pope is as good as any prince in my own time, for the power he holds. More then that, a prince rules his people, a religious leader rules their hearts, their hopes, their fears. There is a difference between simply following, and believing.

[she nods.] I know it is not. But I hate feeling trapped. Sadly, this is a cage I have to willingly submit to. [To constantly embrace the people that may even now resent her. That they have justice as much as any man. That was the love of a King was, or at least should be.

It was the only thing Elizabeth truly never would speak of, no one should ever know how exhausting it was.]

That's fair enough, I was very much in love with my childhood friend. I though it was just a crush for awhile as well. Some things take their time to bloom.

That's why he's so influential. [ And dangerous. ]

Maybe the cage could be made bigger... [ Being a ruler is a lot of sacrifice on the ruler's part. ]

Mhm... [ If only she had the time to think about love. Maybe in a few years? Exorcists didn't ever seem to talk about marriage or even dating (Cross didn't count). ]

If I do the same, I will be untouchable. Well, in a manor of speaking. [very dangerous, when you held sway over men's hearts.]

Not I think, ever big enough. It is still a cage, if it is made of silver and gold. [she shrugs,]

[No she was beginning to realise Cross wasn't very much like the rest of you.]

(no subject)

chrysalis_ex - 2012-07-24 17:20 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

1mistress_nomaster - 2012-07-25 11:59 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Video] VI [Failed!Lock to Cross & Lavi]

[Video] -- [in person]

[in person]

[in person]

[in person]

[in person]

[in person]

[in person]

[in person]

Re: [in person]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)